God is truly mysterious
He can tire you out and yet He's always there to give you rest
was just browsing thru the net when i spotted this web..the interview with God
you know what really touched me is not the ironic sayings..but it is when i saw...
[God said] just know that I am here..always

wow. you know i can suddenly relate it to so many things when i didnt put my faith there
when i face little problems. i think that He's not there
when i just feel a little dry..i think that He's not there

on monday night i was at home mugging for my exams when i suddenly got so stressed up
fear just suddenly so overwhelm me
what if..what if...
what if i lost the fire for God
what if i backslide
what if i didnt do well
what if i dont get a breakthrough
what if what if...

i really didnt know who to seek help from
this wasnt the time to really call to disturb people..
everyone's mugging for their exams
wanted to call Leila initially but gave up the thought..
i just didnt like talking to my superiors..(dont ask me why)
i seriously didnt know who to talk to
i guess the only person i could kajiao then was Elson..(he was resting)

it was quite ridiculous for me to seek help from him
something cropped up between us..
but yap, thanks a lot buddy..

you know he really reminded me about not being a pro-Christian
i realize that i've been more of a Martha to a Mary
that's not the way to be!
i must change..

was hiding in the toilet crying my heart out
oh man..shiok. hahaha
was kneeling in the toilet worshipping
He was there..He was always there..always
everytime i hear Him telling me that i am not alone..He's always there
i often choose to ignore it and live in self-pity
but it was that day that i really understood His presence
Matthew 11:28 'Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest'
give me rest oh God..

tuesday was pretty much a great day
english went on smoothly..i should be able to do ok..perhaps a B4 at least
went home to mug..i've gotten a timetable done for these 2weeks
mugging like mad..
argh..my friends all look down on me!! say i follow 4days confirm give up.
i shall prove you wrong you fools. hahaha. (actually i really wanna give up!! haha.)

you know i really cant believe im actually mugging
i've studied 23hours so far!! it's a miracle! hahaha.
all my mugging shall not come to waste!

wednesday was pretty much alright
it was pretty funny actually..ha
school invited some local band to perform for upper sec assembly
was having free period when the band was having their lunch
so i happily went down to have mine too lar
i was paid 3bucks for running up to them screaming 'aint you that local band!! i want your autograph!!'
hahah. i got it..hahah. shall tell you in details when we meet up

today's english was pretty cool..
we were watching our oral exam performances that mrs roch filmed
it was darn it funny!!
'get it, NOW!' hahaha.
we were being evil to mrs roch when we met her on our way to lit class
ha. we played truancy eh. hahaha. macdonalds..hahaha
i realized that im only interested in mugging for geography. hahah. the others i sian sian force myself to study. argh..
oh yeah! im glad that i made room for God. i pushed all my saturday activities aside to attend cg
He keeps telling that i gotta go for cell..msg's gonna be good. hmm. we shall see. haha

it's like 2236!! hahaha. i must sleep!! hahaha
will update soon! :D

God bless!!!

I'll be there..always...

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST!!
`PRAY FOR LINGYU'S COUSIN FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY (met with accident)
`PRAY FOR EXAMINATIONS..that evanpay can get great marks, best if all a1.
`PRAY FOR EXAMINATIONS..that all n293 members can do well
`PRAY FOR EXAMINATIONS..that leila, michelle and all a' levelers can do well
`PRAY FOR EXAMINATIONS..that elson, genevive and all our o' levelers can do well
`PRAY FOR BREAKTHROUGHS..that even with stress from exams we still be on fire for God and no backsliding!!
`PRAY FOR BREAKTHROUGHS..that the Holy Spirit moves so greatly in our lives. may we continue growing from glory to glory, strength to strength
`PRAY FOR BREAKTHROUGHS..that those facing PO can have a breakthrough through it!
`PRAY FOR REVIVAL..that even though the exams are here, we must still keep getting our friends!!
`PRAY!! your power lies in your prayers. pray hard and may God bless you greatly! :D

salvation is here..
[God] Just know that I am here..always..

SALVATION IS HERE..
God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
And I don't care
What the world throws at me now
I'm gonna be alright

Hear the sound of the generations
Making loud our freedom song
All in all that the world
Would know Your name
We're gonna be alright

'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here (We're gonna be alright)

Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Salvation that died just to set me free
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here 'Cause You are alive and You live in me
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Salvation that died just to set me free
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here 'Cause You are alive and You live in me

was just blog-hopping when i spotted this blog speaking of change
it is really true that we have all changed
some changed for the better and some changed for the worst
as for me? i dont know which side im on

some have changed to strive for popularity
and some changing to strive for results
and some changing to strive for survive in this society
and some changing to strive for change

i have really drawn away from my ex-pals i must say
i only contact them when i need their and i know that's really selfish
how envious it can be seeing a friendship that can last forever
but is it actually possible?

i seem to be really busy in my own world
having to study and be commited to church at the same time
i must really admit that i dont really have time to go widen my social circle
except when new friends come to church that is..

i mix about only with people in church
in school, i'm just a loner..
sometimes one or two people to stick to
i dont have a single close friend
all i do in school is study hard, joke hard and home it is
my friends are always arguing with each other making me impossible to stay with them
i often end up in the library alone staring at recipies,
thinking of what i'm gonna bake after exams

you know..now all i care about my friends is whether they're gonna receive salvation
i dont seem to bother to go to be involved with their lives
i wasnt like that
all i used to want is to just have fun
but now i've grown and changed
i dont know for the better or worse
i feel all burdened for this and that everytime

i am an attention-seeker
but now, i dont give a damn to it
all i want is rest
that rest i can only have when i go home to dwell in His presence
i have been really anti-social these days i must say
wanting to avoid everyone..
dont even feel like fellowshipping
just wanna go home and mug for my exams

i am tired and stressed out
but you know..sep15's devotional taught me to confess positively
not to dwell in self-pity and downfall
i wanna confess that in the name of Jesus i am able to cast out every devil every demon
i wanna confess that in the name of Jesus i am able to lay hands and heal the sick
i wanna confess that in the name of Jesus i am not gonna face failure ever again
for in the name of Jesus He has already taken every failure every disease away on the cross

in the name of Jesus

the thought of the people around me simply disgust me
cant help but to say that they are all hypocrites
honestly!
one minute you backstab her the other minute you're having sooo much fun with her
one minute you keep backstabbing her before your 'loved' one and the other minute you go hang out with her
one minute you say/do this and the other minute you do something contradicting it
and honestly..dont put me as your 'bestees' unless you really mean it
hypocrites are just disgusting..
i have learnt that because the world is corrupted, i shall trust no one except Him and liyun. hahaha. perhaps weide also lar. ha.
anws..back to my 'story'
it's just disgusting one minute you come 'oh evan! oh evan!! blahblahblah..you're my bestee!!!'
and you go blasting it all about your blogs, friendsters, whatsoever..
and the next minute you go to someone and 'oh blah! oh blah! evan she is such a bitch. just like her role in the lit play. a BIATCH. (that's what they say) i put her as my bestee cos SHE FORCED ME TO! she's such a pathetic woman. craving for popularity..blahblahblah'
ahem!! excuse me..i believe i have no need to crave for popularity cos i am already..hahha. jk. none but He can satisfy my needs. even if the whole world abandon me i wont feel a bit only. cos only He can satisfy. not some weird who comes 'worshiping' me then go backstabbing me. tsk
anws i am no pathetic woman. i believe the one that calls me pathetic, she herself is more pathetic. an if i am popular it's not cos i did some weird rubbish to get it. cos i earned it. by my lameness that is. but i dont really care about that lar. i only want ij revival for now. ha.
and yes! dont call me your bestee just to get my good books. i know my books are in great condition cos i dont study. but it's really disgusting inside so i think you'll regret getting my books. besides..i dont read so i dont even have books to give away..unless you're refering to my textbook which is impossible for me to give to you cos i have study also you know..although seldomly..hahahah.
argh, yar lar. just tot i said this before i forgot. cos was blog-hopping when i realized lar.
and dont believe in autograph books cos the people suck up to you when writing it. dont think they write your name as bestee in it you're really their bestee. it's fake one lar. dont be so stupid to believe k. hahahah. :D

[200905]
im getting tired. tired inside out
tired physically, tired spiritually
God! come refresh me! i need You

i cant bring myself to do anything but to rest right now
but im afraid that when i start resting i'll never stop

now aint the time to rest
it's time to work
to work really hard
i have no time to rest at all
i have to study
i have to breakthrough
i dont have enough time!

i guess it's just me that's the problem
i keep wanting to do so many things at one time
im overly ambitious
i am all tired over nothing
actually i face nothing that should tire me so much
but i look for stuffs to face that tire me
im just looking for trouble eh

i am tired
i am tired of thinking
thinking of you
thinking of my future
thinking of revival
thinking of this
thinking of that

i put on a brave front before others
i seem like i'm alright
i seem like nothing has happened

i am not brave
it's all just an act
i dont know when i can finally take that mask of mine off
i am tired of wearing it

i am afraid of showing my true feelings
i am ashamed of myself
i dont want anyone to know how dark it is in me
i desire to see light
but the light i see..
turns on and off..on and off
just like my hope..on and off on and off

help

STILL
hide me now
under Your wings
cover me
within Your mighty hand
when the oceans rise
and thunders roar
i will soar with You
above the storm
Father You are king
over the flood
i will be still
know You are God

find rest my soul
in Christ alone
know His power
in quietness and trust...

why cant i make myself update in a regular basis!! haha..
anws..

[friday]
was being the usual crazy me in school on friday. only that i was showing attitude to my teacher during chinese lar. you know actually i find chinese really useless for me. since the start of the year i have yet to learn a new word and the SUPER bias teacher never calls me up to answer question. and her reason - i know that you very good in chinese so i dont bother paying much attention in teaching you. NOT dont bother paying much attention in teaching me lar. it is NEVER teach me anything at all lar. dont even have much lar. haix. lousy teacher. dont like her. anws..ha. rushed off to bukit timah plaza for bible study with pastor. i took lesson 1 twice. ha. to leila-not boliao!! hungry for the word of God k! haha.. anws..yep. i was late cos ms soon liyun made me wait for her in ps for like half an hour..then we had to take a cab down cos she were super late already. sorry pastor..ha. anws. lesson was great. wow, im seriously considering on taking all lessons twice. ha. can get more info. :D lesson was great..we had to do evaluation on our cell. haiz..need loads of improvement..

after which..liyun and i went to carrefour to buy groceries for the steamboat on sat. ha. we had a great time shopping. haha. we didnt get pig's liver!! i want!! hahah..argh. i accidentally called 'prawns' 'crab' haha. then irritating liyun suan-ed me like mad lar. she decided to call 'fish' 'shark' hahaha. argh. was playing with ice at the frozen foods section. argh. i caught a cold! hahah..we overspent by a little though. $52.95 all cos of the darn GST. so ex!! hahaha. got bai-bus to fetch me home. couldnt carry all the stuff home by myself you see. ha. granny tot i went mad. fancy going shopping for food when we've already done so on tues.

[sat]
cell was cool..steamboat was cancelled!! cos attendance was bad and yep. we decided to cancel it. im so sad!! anws..ha. msg was about healing. it was cool. we had sarah lee soup (mushroom soup) cook by jac for refreshments. ha. it was pretty cool. leila got me and sarah to pray for melsha and liwen for the gift of tongues. they got it..they got it..oh yeah. they got it..haha. woo~ praise God! went home after cell lar. nothing much to do. met mich pay on the way home. then hahah. i stalked boonkiat again. ha. called to play lar. '[bk]you always know where i am!! stop spying on me!! i see mich..where are you!! aiya. dont play with you liao. dont disturb me lar! bye stalker!!' hahhaha. it was funny. and argh. i had to run to the bus to hide from him. hahahah. it was pretty funny. i miss mummy!! so weird going home and no one nag. hahaha. oh yeah! heard that svc3 got people legs grow longer instantly right after being prayed for!! woo~ praise God!

[sun]
i had diarrhea early in the morning!! cos stupid me had cereal for dinner. hahaha. im lactose intolerant lar. then yep. diarrhea!! was almost late for church. haiz. should have laid hands on my tummy to pray for healing earlier. hahaha. yay. i got instant healing after praying..rev dr. richard roberts was great. loved his preaching. not much healing though..a little disappointing. haiz. jeff and jiayu received healing!! and they went on stage to share testimony!! wow! bball match was cancelled due to raining. haiz!! all activities arranged for the mid-autumn festival was cancelled in fact. argh!! fellowshipped at coffeeshop opp church. hahaa. sandy and i were competing with jiayu who had a better meal. hahaha. spent a bomb on lunch lar. argh. my money!! arise and build leh!! hahaha...went jp to look for weide and wait for liyun after lunch. cheukk's obsession for green's disgusting me!!! argh!! all the clothes that catches her eyes are green in color!! argh!! hahaha. weide had a 'cool' green ah pek umbrella. hahaha. was dancing and playing with it. liyun almost killed me when i was playing with the umbrella. argh!! hahahha. ruiyi brought another PL. yay. she's called alien. hahaha. oops. alynn! haha. haiz..pretty shy lar. but yep. potential! yay! :D ruiyi has really bad eating habits though. argh. disgusting freak. they mixed milo and 7-up and they said it was nice!!! argh!!! was snapping photos with cheukk and ruiyi. hahahha. so funny. stupid liyun and ruiyi keep coming in to destroy the pic. argh!! hahahaha. it was pretty funny. ha. oh yeah!! forgot to tell you. i've got fans in church. hahahah. mel and vicky were snapping photos at me and i didnt know that!!! argh!!! annoying..and they were so proud of themselves for that! argh! im so gonna spoil your ball melody teo! argh! anws..haha. on the way home we were picturing cheukk, weide and liwen as a happy familly. hahah. really look like lar! haaha. go check out my photobucket album and see for yourself! hahaha.. sandy was showing attitude. haiz. siao siao. hahahah. was having serious talk with weide on the phone on my way home. oh man..my batt nearly failed me. thank God he didnt lar. he's one anionted dude lar. argh. getting jealous..hahha. nvm. im gonna be a healing evangelist and that's not bad. ha. according to him lar. haha. steamboat was cool (the one at home..not cell) i was being a fatty refusing to get up till i finished everything. hahahha. had lemon sorbet icecream for dessert. of cos i had a price to pay..diarrhea lar. but not so much. got healing!! whee~ hahaha..

shushu's thinking too much. haiz. he thinks im having low self-esteem because of my previous blogskin. haiz..
hahha.

[monday]
hahhahah. pe was cool. we ran less rounds. we didnt have to do conditioning. and i fell and rolled about on the netball court!! hahaha. was playing netball lar. then me the GA was blocked by the stupid GD who tripped me. argh. fell flat on the ground. MALU!! hahaha. but the thing was no one saw lar..then no one knew..and that was scary lar. when i was gonna get up a crowd of people carrying the ball was running towards me unknowing that i was on the ground!! i had to roll here and there to avoid their feet!! ah!! scary. hahahha. but it was pretty cool. hahaha.

history did the usual boring copying..copying workbook copy copy then still have to do exam paper. haiz. due on wed. i dont wanna do!! i hate history!! hahah. but i wanna be a history maker!! hahhaa..
i am guilty of not paying attention in class. was busy drawing rubbish during science. and mr tang was teaching something really important lar! argh. wasnt in the right mood lar. i've been really tired lately. haiz.

ouch. my knees!! pain!! haiz. right knee totally bruised. blue black!! pain!! then left knew gauzed. haiz..im having difficulty showering and walking about..haiz. God!! healing!!!

IM SO DARN IT PISSED RIGHT NOW!!
first my precious pup bit me..and i 'slain' it with the sword of the spirit. haha. the holy bible..
there's a purple patch on my left leg right now
then i had a sorta bad day in school..
actually it was pretty fun though. haha. i was having fun making noise during classes
and laughing my head off telling retarded jokes. and not to forget crapping so much with tia
the english visions of the future thingy was so retarded!! dor totally banged herself answering all our ridiculous qns. hahaha. tia and her ridiculous zooming info and blah. hahaha
oh and there was this irritating cross-stitch! mine was the easiest and yet i had it done the terrible-est. haha
wow, nice word..yay. vanny was telling me crumbo means super ugly and stupid. haha! and i believed!! omg!! hahaha.
was feasting at pizza hut at thomson plaza after school. haha. vanny was having fun pissing the cashiers off
hahaha. andandand!! i played a part too!! 'sorry 1cents are not in use anymore :D' (she gave us many 1cents)
and yep. vanny and penny were having fun screaming at my gassy chicken and pastor. haiz..
i dropped my drumstick into my soda!! argh!! then pastor called to say he dont want me to take vl from ymca
so vanny and penny were being irritating by screaming 'evan!! your chicken! take it out!! blahblahblah. hi pastor!!!' haha. and yep. nice pastor was playing along with them. :D
i had to take the chicken out to eat though. i was made to do it!! im not disgusting by nature!! hhaha.
thenthen i took a cab back to tp with vanny. the funny taxi driver was chatting with us about jalan kayu. haha! yay! i started it!! woo~
went to ymca for bs..i was supposed to though..but i wanna!! haha..
lesson was great. wow. i was sandwiched between two guys though. haha. thats for nat.
nah..the gmss guy had a really irritating voice. he was pretty good looking though. hah! oh no! im starting to become scandalous!!! hahahah.
anws..yep. went to ntuc with sisters and mum who's gonna abandon us for tibet tmr. haha.
we got a hell lot of stuff..she was complaining that we were like preparing for war. hahahah.
i'm currently having this big arguement with ho junle now..he doesnt feel like getting his sister saved you see. tsk. loser..im really pissed right now. argh..
i got bitten by a mosquito while msging people just now!! dengue!! oh no!! God bless me!! ahhh!!! hahahaha..crap.

oh no!! havent do math and lit!! gotta go!! hahaha.
nightie nights :D

911'o5 - Miss Evangeline Pay officially becomes..MRS Evangeline (i dunno what..ha, but the keyword's MRS)
911'o5 - Confessions of a teenage wife-to-be ('wife' to God)
911'o5 - Evangeline Pay actually survived a day without her darling hp!

argh..the point is 911'o5 was a special day for me lar..((:

0845 was the important hour(min) for me..sent out an sms to muaha. and yep..i've finally let go..and im FREE..yep..the burden in me for the past months has finally been lifted :D
the message today was great..Heart of worship. the whole congregation all came to worship in ONE heart of worship..wow. the atmosphere was great..the worship was great..

I FINALLY GOT BAPTIZED! yep..not much support from family and friends though..haiz
but WHO CARES! im getting baptized in the Lord not you guys :D wow..the salty salt(duh!)..the brightly lit candle (duh once again) and the sweet apple ((: i love you guys!! thanks all! n293 especially! haha..i was actually pretty glad that i was tall enough for the pool and pst derek pronounced my name correctly. haha. sniffes to liyun..she was grounded cos her dad didnt want her to get baptized. ha. sad sad..pray for fiona!! urgent prayer needed!! pray that she can win victory over the P.O. and she can get married soon to get baptized. haha..alrights alrights..

fellowship was cool..ha, i was eating DUCK rice..ha, yesyes..cannibal me ((:
was having fun meddling with junle's phone cos phone died on me and yep..he's the only one with a sony phone..(i only know how to use sony phone) and yep..i practically used up all his batt returning phone calls and sms-es. he was screaming at me for that. haha. oh yeah..im sorry rach..the flower you gave me for the baptism..i ripped all its petals out. haha. i was bored!! just tot the colors looked nice so yeah..hah! waiter was being disgusting..haha, sticking his gum all over the place. ewww. haha. was really tired in the train back home..sleeping all the way back home. thank God i didnt miss my stops ((:

i want my phone back!!! i need my dad's charger!! urgent!! haha..oh yeah. i cant believe that i tot the bus driver that 'fetches' me home from serangoon mrt practically everyday's cute!! haha. so long already i now then realize. haiz..haha. liyun was asking me to reach out to him cos we sorta know each other and blah. ha.

oh no!! i just realized that i havent even start on my hols homework!! haha..
im dead!! argh..gotta get off the comp now. boohoo

TODAY'S THE DAY!! IM GETTING MARRIED!! (BAPTIZED)

the morning's cursed..
first the heater broke down
then she dirtied my towel
then i run out of shower foam
then i couldnt find the right clothes to match
then liyun may not be able to get baptized
then mum keeps screaming at us for no reason
then she took the car out and we're all running late for church..
omg..she's such an idiot..haiz

wanted to scream and curse lar.
what stupid morning is this..
it's like the worse on ever lar..

He kept telling me..
'evan..you learnt ytd..these are your oppositions..to overcome it and get victory is not by screaming and cursing..i dont like it.'
why do you think i've been keeping quiet the whole morning. haiz
the morning sucks big time..

the morning's cursed..

muaha, in approx 13mins time..it shall be the day when im finally getting married
ha. baptized to be precise. and apart from that..911 is also a very special and important day for me at least..
i'm so excited!! i cant sleep now!! haha..
there's this irritating guy called jovan who keeps pestering me on friendster
haha. no idea who the heck he is but anws..he keep sending me messages!! im getting annoyed! haha..i think he's pretty weird too lar..invade my privacy and stuff stuff. haiz. i know im pretty and on..haha! but yeah..stop pestering me!! bah..
im bored!! i cant sleep!! im excited!! bah..

i think i'll try going back to bed again. haha.

happy baptism to moi..and the others too. ha :P

wow, ytd was a fantastic day :D
ij revival is definitely coming to pass! 4 came and 4 responded!
anws i really wanna thank God..and alrights..junle has some credit..
cos without the both of them ij revival really might never come to pass
God really keeps His promises..He promised that i'm gonna bring forth ij revival and yes yesterday it came to pass. He promised me happiness and although i was really depressed the night before, He had me really glad yesterday. i love You Jesus..deep down in my heart..i love You Jesus deep down in my heart..
the day after tomorrow was a great success. Pst's preaching was really cool
wow, my friends hear until cry like mad man..then altarcall they also cry and cry..it was super cool
i couldnt really take care of them though, im sorry if i neglected you guys yeah..i had to counsel jolene's friends. haha. she was so blur. 'evan!! help help. i got no counselor for my friends!' haha. 'hey jo, you are talking to a counselor now you know..' haha. she ar..the bingo game was fun..everyone running about asking for signatures..apparently the 1.7m that one i guess only sabrina's brother and jeff could qualify eh. haha. argh, jeffrey was having a great time suaning me duck eh..ANGUGU!! haha..
praise and worship was pretty awkward for me lar..friends kept staring at me and stuff..thought i was mad eh..enjoy yourself!! hah..oh yeah and my pants keep falling. haha. oops. haha. yes jo..pulling my pants up..haha.
ride back to bishan was enjoyable..this person fall that person fall. haha. all came crashing into me. haha. thank God i held onto the seats wherever i went thus not falling. haha. we were making a hell lot of noise. haha. the uncle was really cool too. laughing and joking with us. haha. 'thank you aunties!!' hah..funny uncle play with ninja turtle sword!! haa!!
had dinner with cell after that..had to share food with sandy and fiona cos they didnt have money to eat dinner. poor thing!! hah.. i was expectionally nice to sandy last night. also dunno why. treat her drink..then sleep also let her sleep on me..help her cover "blanket" (my jacket) and stuff. she still say i naggy! fine lar sandy wong..next time i dont care you liao. argh.
was discussing how to get friends back with leila when i fetch her home. haha. bai bus..
i must avail myself to my leader!! haha..oh yeah..liyun and i are competing in sucking up to leila. haha.
went home sms and sms..weide fought with his mum..aiyo. junle wasnt feeling well. liyun kept rushing me to get to bed..hello..ij revival leh, i too excited to sleep liao lar liyun..and yep, elson hates me for good now. haiz. not gonna care about him anymore. haiz.
oh yeah!! im addicted to korean dramas now..haha. full house is nice! go watch!! hah.
alrights alrights..back to my dramas now. :D

2more days to baptism!!
im fasting for 36hours :D
ij revival!!!

only He can satisfy that slice of eternity
only thru Him that we can comprehend the meaning of life...

forgive me for not being so godly these days
i've been vulgar and devilish these days rather
cleanse me oh Lord..haiz.

yesterday was sorta a pretty bad day
i almost couldnt get my baptism form in time
was thinking perhaps i dont wanna get baptized anymore
i've been thinking..why do i wanna get baptized..then why do i not wanna get baptized
haha. im so ironic. haiz..i've been feeling so dirty and stuff..is baptism gonna get me back?
was abusing myself in the shower. ha. come to think of it i was being pretty silly
so many times i ask people to lean on God. calm and let HIm do it..but have i been doing so?
be a doer not a sayer. haiz..God teach me..to have faith in You. in times of difficulty let me lean and trust in You.
went kovan to get the form and shop around..ha. liyun, liwen and fiona really brighten up my day
was feeling much better with them. :D
returned home had dinner cooked by my two sisters..oh man..i think i forgot to say grace!! God bless me! hah..
rest of the day was pretty good..was joking and playing around with my sisters..
you know what sy said was really thru. God is responsible for all His actions. He compensates you for what you've suffered.
i mourned and He turned it into joy. Praise God :D
kat called to ask me about tmr. although didnt really know her..in fact i've nv known her
she sounded so cheerful and close to me. praise God. she's bound to be in my sub-cellgrp. ha.
sorry fiona..hah. it's really thru that kids are prolly the only ones who are worthy to go to heaven cos they're so pure and innocent. kat totally displayed these qualities.
God! i want them too!! hah..
oh there's prayer meeting today. it's gonna be super cool. and i know it. haha.
10-1 for the morning one and 2-5 for the afternoon one. i wanna attend both!! but haiz. gotta pick people up. oh wells..

whatever it is..i've got something to say to someone in particular..if you think it relates to you it is for you too. hah.

we dont discourage you go into a relationship..really. but does that person exactly like you? will it affect your studies? your relationship with God..will it be affected? even if you dont look at it in a Christian way..even the teachers can say. your social circle will be contracted. you'll want to focus on your spouse rather than anyone else. honestly..now isnt the right time for it..i've been thru many kinds of these rubbishy relationships..i can tell you. it's crap. no point. dont waste your time on it..dont waste your relationship with God on it. dont waste the chances on meeting other better people on it.

alrights..i must get going for now. God bless. :D

IM GETTING WATER BAPTIZED NEXT SUNDAY!! 110905!! WOO~ HALLELUJAH!!

woo~ today was pretty cool..haha
i woke up at around 5+ to read bible then go back to sleep
haha, was trying to rush thru for the bible reading thing so can get voucher. haha
wow, almost the whole cell stood up for it today. yay! that's cool. haha
msg was great..only that i wasnt really paying attention. haha.
was thinking about my phone lar..lost it during svc. argh..found it under leila's chair. ha.
sandy finally finished her gs given by..ME. haha. took her test today..great student..so smart. ha
huimin's my new student. haha. call me shifu! haha..
celebrated bhb and ruiyi's birthday..cake was super nice. haha. decorated by me, sally and cheukk. muaha.
i'm a great invigilator unlike jeff.. haha. the test went on SMOOTHLY and QUIETLY. no merry go round. haha.
loads of new frens from n293 today!!! yay!! i'm gonna have a new member in my subcell soon. :)
oh yeah..i look super nice today. haha. liyun say i looked like a guy..boohoo. sean said i was avril the second. haha. everyone was staring at my nice tie. haha. daniel was asking me who taught me to dress like that cos he say i look like bung. boohoo. haha.
fellowship with n293 as usual was exceptionally great today. haha
i got molested!! some lil boy was touching my ass!!! mama!!!
speaking of which..yay! mama's coming home from bangkok today. yay! haha..
hansvision was being irritating when i was doing my attendance. argh..yesyess..i ticked your name. haiz.
oh yeah..poor sandy injured herself in the auditorium today!! the skin on her back was totally ripped off!! ouch!!
mel still thinks i like elson..haiz. i dont lar..
i've cleared my mind..not gonna think of anyone except Him.
yay..haha. gonna position myself to focus on Him and Him alone. yay
im drawn back to Him! yay. haha.

argh. i dunno what i've missed out but yea..
haha. i wanna go back and stone for now. ha.

go for tue prayer meeting and thurs day after tmr!! gonna be great! :)

firstly..a happy birthday to tiara!!
haha..argh. i miss my parents..they're only coming back tmr
cant believe i actually miss their naggings. haha.
tot i would love this freedom but nah..MUM! DAD! HURRY COME HOME!!
I MISS YOU BIG TIME!!! haha..the house's in a mess without you guys!! haha..
i'm alone at home with my granddad right now..haiz. apparently the other two
VERY fillal granddaughters who made me rush home for nothing decided to abandon me for pastor. argh. fine..
cellgroup was great today..msg was about stepping out..
im stepping out..im breaking out..im shaking all my fears all of me! muahah..
gonna step out of my failures..step over all obstacles and step into the supernatual realm.
im gonna lean on God like never before..(that sounds weird eh. haha.) breakthru! revival! rev!!
i wanna make a commitment to fulfil it. sacrifice and have faith..
nothing's gonna stop me cos im serious this time. focus on God and Him alone..
you are not gonna stop me..you are not gonna tie me down..muaha.

argh..i think i injured my finger out of my excitement..haha. ouch
alrights alrights..bb..poor finger of mine. ouch again. haha.

oh yeah to catholic..why not call 'only believers can receive the holy communion'
im taking mine tmr..haha.

happy teachers' day!! woo~
haha..sandy was really sweet. received her sms first thing in the am.
yay sandy. you're a great student too and i love you loads. haha :)
today has been pretty okay..only that i've been in a bad mood in all
ha..i was the latest for the lit drama rehearsal. it was pretty boring though
haha, nothing for me to do..just gotta sit down there and stick my tongue out
haha. played some really bo liao games and yep, headed off to raffles city to look for leila for the leaflets.
who wants to come for 'the day after tmr'!!! please come to me!!
it's 080905, 1630-1830 at city harvest church!! gonna be really cool! ha.
yes, i totally slacked through the day..and im growing really fat!! argh!!
eat more icecream for diarrhea!! haha..

wow, you know i've been thinking a lot about sandy today..
this annoying lil brat. haha.
was just thinking how much she has done for me and i have done for her
thinking of how much i love her.
you know i regard my cellmates as friends but sandy..she's diff to me
i treat her as my sister..i really love her a lot. i dont want her to come to any harm
i dont know why..perhaps cos she's my disciple? ha.
whatever it is..yay. dearie..know that whatever happens evanpay is there for you ya. haha
this is starting to get mushy..woo..haha. im straight!! haha..

jo made biscuits again..it sucks big time!! haha..
she admits it too. bleh. haha
it's like solid rock right now..with the caramel and stuff on top..eww. ha
i'm starting to hate eating. haha. i feel really bad everytime after i eat. argh.
argh. i havent mugged for my home econs exam tmr. im dead meat. haha.

alrights..i shall get going for now. haha..

i hate you! i hate you..
why is it always you who breaks my heart
why is it always you..
i miss you i really do..
you seem to not want to talk to me
if you hate me why dont you just say it
dont let me have a chance to think that there is still hope for me
i like you but i can like you
i like you but i cant say it.
because i dont want to get you into trouble
i dont want you to get involved

you dont know how worried i have been when i've lost sight of you
you dont know how my heart aches when i see you all stressed up
you dont know how much i've been through for you..

you have no idea how much it takes for me to love you..

all my sinful thoughts of you is driving me nuts
i can no longer feel Him all cos of you
i keep wanting to crucify you with Him but i simply cant let go
funny it is when the fake news get spread so quickly while the truth is kept within me
someone once told me about sharing your burden with others.but who can i share it with!
Jesus asks us to carry His mat as His is light
but i'm too ashamed to even let Him take a look at it
i feel so dirty. now even He wont come and cleanse me

keeping myself busy gets you off my mind, yes.
but what about the times when all is quiet
when there's nothing for me to do
i am afraid of losing you yes.
i dont know how am i gonna spend the rest of the year without you
i thought i could see you soon but no.


wow, i wish i can wipe off the scars of memories that slashed my feelings just like someone did
but nah, i doubt it can ever come to pass..
even He gave up on me. what to say Lord..

it's teacher's day and i've let You down..
it's me again..Gal 2:20 did not come to pass..