starting over is scary..
in fact, it may be risky.

but, it is a new beginning..

i miss him.. a lot..

dear diary, 

it's the second night in a row i cant fall asleep by this time of the night

i dont dare, to shut my eyes.. and i cant bear the quietness

somehow they just give me a reason to think back, on all the wonderful memories i have of him

i dont want any of those anymore

someone, please make them go away..

i had a fall at home today

it hurt, it still hurts.. feels like my joints are gonna break apart and my muscles are overly stretched

but all the pain from my limbs and my butt added together was unable to overshadow the pain i have further up in there

i found myself squatting in a corner crying my heart out seconds after i managed to sit up, for all the wrong reasons

i had convinced myself earlier that there was simply nothing to cry about

but i cant hold back my tears any further..

last night i dreamt that i had slipped into a coma after a tragic accident

i dreamt that he was at my bedside, holding my hand and quietly sobbing

and then i dreamt that i woke up and couldnt remember a thing about him

not sure why it ended this way, but it's not such a bad idea after all

coma, then a loss of memory.. that would be a good way to start over, and there wont be much of a heartache to endure

note to self: if you ever lose your memory and actually visit this blog, dont ever get into a serious relationship.. it hurts, a lot

i dont wanna wish or hope anymore..


all i want is someone to hold me tight,
and tell me it's all gonna be alright..

i dont wanna break up..

your words form your world

after a recent break up, i met up with an old friend of mine for dinner
she had asked me how my relationship was holding up, and if i was still crazy over my boyfriend
i lied to her, saying that 'we're still going strong, and i love him veryvery much'
perhaps i had been hoping if i had proclaim a strong relationship, it'll eventually come to pass

today i learnt that your words do not necessarily form your world
after all, faith without works is dead
your words may form your world simply because speaking it out is an activation of faith and an inspiration to get cracking
ultimately, if you sat back and chose to not seize the moment, you might find yourself a little too late..

after breaking up possibly more than a dozen times, i'm guessing this time it's for real
i hadnt really thought much about the end of this relationship till i realized today, that i'm about to lose him for good

dear diary, i wanna tell him how much i miss him
i wanna continue to daydream about how we're gonna spend 2009 together when he gets recruited into the Singapore youth flying club.. when we're gonna get married in a chapel 10years down the road, and 3years later, bear our first child.
i cant help but to regret how we're gonna miss out on eating at billy bombers, fish&co. and snapping photographs in the zoo with a disposable camera

but ultimately, i cannot help but agree with him that putting this relationship to an end is the best for the both of us..
he wouldnt hafta put up with my erratic mood swings, and i wont needa get paranoid over the girls he speaks to or goes out with
besides, we were never the best couple to begin with.. there are so many differences between the both of us, i guess we'll never find the time to actually sort them out

golly, i just caught a whiff of cherryade
it was just how he smelt like when we shared out first kiss

ah, how am i gonna sleep tonight
time to move on and stop thinking about it

adieu

i'm scared to start over