Hi Cookie

Hi Cookie,

Today is 3 Jan, 2 and a half days since you passed away.

I've been crying a lot these couple of days out of sadness, guilt, fear, worry. Sadness, because you had left us and I can no longer find your presence at home; guilt because I felt that I was not a good enough caretaker for you; fear out of forgetting you; and worry for how you are doing in your afterlife.

Cookie, I find that I've been using the lift less these days, because you would often run in excitedly to commute upstairs - sometimes, even if you just alighted. I avoid going to mummy's room sometimes because I'm afraid to stare at where you used to sleep, and where I would always go to find you. And when I open the fridge, I sometimes still imagine you hanging around, waiting to see what goodies we're get out of there. Before you were gone, I stopped feeding you stuff from the fridge, but instead just let you smell whatever I take out.

Cookie, I often still feel sad and heartbroken that you're gone, but I think I'll get through it, because I have to... I'm still really fearful that I might sometimes have too much fun I forget you. But Shan An told me yesterday that I won't... Because you had been my best friend of 15 years. It's not that simple to cast away and forget a part of your life.

So, I've come to the consensus that you'll always be in my heart. Even when the pain of you leaving subsides, you'll always live in my heart.

This morning I've been thinking... how great would it be if heaven had a room specially prepared for you and all the other nice doggies who had made it there. There will be beds reserved for all of you, and a speaker to connect you to us. Ever so often, you would run to the speaker to listen to what I had to tell you... That I love you, I miss you, and I worry for you.

Cookie, you've always been kind of shy and timid... But you've got to be happy and brave this time around and make lots of friends in heaven okay? Jesus has promised me that he has taken you into his arms, and he'll love you, and care for you. I've also sent you an angel to protect you.. I hope that is enough. So have a crazy crazy time in heaven till we meet again okay?

Love you lots cookie

I love you very very very much..

Thank you for licking my ears so much when you first came.. I just found out that that was just your way of telling us that you love us too.

Cookie

Dear Cookie,

You passed away this morning at around 11.40am, after battling all sorts of pains and illnesses throughout most of your life. Because death brought you relief, and released you from all these suffering you endured, I don't have any regrets. I'm relieved that you are at a better place.

Cookie, thank you for accompanying me through all my childhood. From I was primary 3, all the way till I am about to graduate, and move on to the next stage of my life. Thank you for being so kind, gentle, and most of all, good. You had your quirks, and stubbornness of sorts. You liked to hide in blankets, or in small dark spaces - even when it was difficult to get to... and you used to tremble when it rained. You didn't like to be leashed, and won't relent even if you were dragged across the floor. You loved milk, and you were crazy about cheese - I remember how you used to steal the wrapper from the bin to lick it when we weren't looking.

Cookie, you were wonderful. Simply wonderful. I'm sorry I could not, and did not care for you better. I'm sorry I was inconsistent in my actions, in taking you to the doctor, in feeding you medication, and in taking care of your teeth. I know it troubled you for many many years. I'm sorry. And now I can only hope that you'll feel better.

Now that you're gone, the space beside mummy's bed will always be empty, and I won't hear your footsteps in the evening at 4. Even so, you've filled my heart with the love you've given to me. Thank you for making sure that I had no regrets. Thank you for giving me time to come to terms, and to bid you goodbye. Thank you, for coming into the new year. Thank you, thank you.

Cookie, I'll miss you. I will... Even though I know I will move on, but I will look back, and think about how I've had you as a furry companion for 15 years. I'll think back on the countless times I hugged you to cry because of whatever heartache I was going through. I'll think back and smile at the times you were randomly happy and excited and it was really cute.

Thank you.