The day I am forced to grow up

Dear Cookie,

I'm starting work as an adult tomorrow. It's not really a full time job yet, but I hope I can work hard enough to impress my supervisors to convert me into a full time staff. Everybody seems to be over the moon for me: mich, jo, daddy, mummy, Shan an. I think it's probably because I'm about to leave the nest and become financially independent.

While I am definitely relieved that I have a place to go to work at as opposed to worry about my future as I had been for the past 1 month, I cannot help but feel a sense of dread and worry. Ever since I was a little girl, I remembered that while all my friends could not wait to grow up and become and adult, I never wanted to grow up. I did not want to go to university, get a job, get married and move out of my parents' house. I wanted to be their little girl forever. I wished you could be with me forever too, cookie. But time did not allow me to.. I was swept off to college, internship, grad trip, and now, I am waiting to start work tomorrow. Cookie, everybody keeps giving me the grin and telling me how happy and excited they are for me: they want to buy me presents, give me a treat, etc. but I really wish they wouldn't. So that as always, I would just be swept into this role without thinking about how scared and worried I truly am.

Cookie, remember how there were days and even months when I would be lazing around at home with you? Gone are the days when I will be able to that. Gone are the days when I can just lie in bed, on my stomach and stare at the monitor from dawn till dusk. Gone are the days when I can do nothing but just watching drama after drama, video after video. When all I had to worry about was what to do when I was done, and what I should eat. Now, I gotta wake up at 7:30 in the morning and get ready to suck up to somebody else. I hope my colleagues are nice, and I don't have to lick anybody's boots. I think my biggest worry really is just, being around people. I haven't be around people enough to remember how to make them like me, or not to care about how they don't. Sigh. I wished you'd understand.